my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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