i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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