i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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