Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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