so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
