Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize