i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
