also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
