This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize