you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
