I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
