I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
