it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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