Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
