OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
