i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
