i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
