You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
