Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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