eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize