Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
false alarm. still invincible.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
