i love accidental penises.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
