That's intense
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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