I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
