Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(620): View more from Kansas

How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?

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(631): View more from New York

I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?

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(660): View more from Missouri

Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...

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(301): View more from Maryland

Not even the dog will look at me anymore.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator

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(248): View more from Michigan

the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...

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(650): View more from California

Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt

(1-650): View more from California

Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here

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(217): View more from Illinois

I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth

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