Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
