WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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