you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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