so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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