Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
