this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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