Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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