the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
