I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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