Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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