So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
