dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
