Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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