Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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