and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
