you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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