Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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