Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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