took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
