as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
