after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
