Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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