my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
