There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
