dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
