What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
