Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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