i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
