How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
