david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
