i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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