it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
