This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
