so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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