Please, let me fuck your mom
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize