Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
