wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
