Its about making memories worth repressing
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
