God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
