I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
