too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
