i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
