So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
