well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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