I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
