And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
