If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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